Month: February 2020

All of that sounds like it could be a good thing since our animal brain is protecting us, protecting our image, status, knowledge, credibility, etc.  However, the problem is that one of the key elements that our brain needs in order to think and perform better is blood irrigation, and when we have that reaction, we immediately create a blood deficit in the brain since the blood is sent to our limbs to run or fight.

For this reason, as part of our leadership acceleration and coaching programs, we teach managers and leaders to work with non-threatening conversations.  Considering that in our managerial work, sometimes we don’t realize how our language can generate that animal response in our collaborators or peers.

If you have heard the phrase from someone: “it is not personal”, tell me something, does that make you feel better?  Or did you feel that it was just a phrase justifying the pain a person’s words were inflicting on you?

In my opinion, the phrase doesn’t work.  If anything, it actually feels like even more aggression.   What truly functions in our leadership work is to focus our feedback on the facts and things that happened or are currently happening, not on the person’s qualities or areas of opportunity.  Even better, we can focus on the things that can happen differently in the future to avoid the problem and find success.

I really like the concept that Marshall Goldsmith proposed of feedforward. Stop using feedback (which means “let’s talk about everything that you did wrong”) and start using feedforward (which means “let’s talk about how you can make it better in the future”).  By working with feedforward, you are really moving away from the aggression of judging the past and giving a person plain critique.  Thus, moving towards the space of possibilities and the things that can be done differently in the future to improve.

Here’s an example of the beauty of this system:

• If we are going to discuss my past actions, I might have had a part in it and created a problem.  I might even think it was not about the actions but about me being a bad person for that job. I may even begin to question how I could’ve been so foolish as to have made a mistake like that.  In this scenario, it is much harder to convince my brain that I am not under attack.
• On the other hand, if we are going to discuss my future possibilities of carrying out a task differently (to avoid the mistake) then I cannot have a part in it with blame or judgement, because it has not happened yet. It’s us looking towards the future.  We are discussing how to do it better, not how I did it wrong.

By focusing on the future, we are not really making it personal because the actions have not been taken yet.  Rather, we are talking about improvements, possibilities, adjustments, and all of the things that need to be implemented and proved.

To feedforward!

Love is a complex topic covered by so many poems, books, movies and stories. No doubt an intrinsic part of our human life no matter what job, profession or business we have. There will always be a big focus on our loved ones when it comes to our priority list for time and resources. It could be your husband or wife and kids, it could be your parents, your friends or even your dog but we all love and like to be loved.

When it comes to coaching and of course improvement goals, it is not uncommon to reflect on “What do I really love?” and “What am I passionate about?” We look for that because it gives us a clear purpose, it gives us the value behind the goal. “Who are we really doing these things for?”

When I start my coaching processes sometimes, I ask executives, “What is your life about? What is the purpose?” And it is not uncommon to get an answer completely unrelated to work: “it is about giving the best to my family and making them happy.”

And I cannot help to think as a coach, on how about if we apply known skills, knowledge and even purpose to a different context. What about if we think about people at work as our family? Not the superficial concept of leaders saying, “we are all family here”, but a deeper reflection on how everybody else in the office or in our business is part of a family deserving the best and looking to get happiness and to take it home.

In Buddhism there is a great trick to change our mindset. It immediately changes our perspective and also the ways in which we feel and express our love for others. It is simple, it is just to think that every person could be our mother. I am sure there are traumatic experiences for some people with a really bad mother, but for the most part even if they were bad, we would have not survived without them. Humans are so fragile as newborns and if not for the care of our mothers we would not make it. That brings a deep sense of gratitude and love to a human being that basically helped us to start life and survive a tough beginning. You don’t even have to go to all the well-known sacrifices of mothers, just the fact that a person helped you when you were not able to eat by yourself, clean by yourself, or soothe by yourself, to me is a major thing that creates a deep sense of gratitude.

I have practiced this technique for many years to generate compassion and I can intentionally flip a switch in my mind when I am in front of a difficult person, or a person I usually would not care about, but instead intentionally think “what if this person would be my mother (or father)?, what if I would be her or his son?. Or even without putting myself in the equation, what about the love that this person gives and gets by being a mother or a father.

I might be imagining, but I can almost feel my neurons rewiring from indifference or rejection to attraction and love for that person.

Maybe you are asking, “Nice for Valentine’s month, but how do I take this to my leadership or personal development? well, let me give you my 3 reflections in love that you can apply to your leadership:

1. Love is conflict. Managers and leaders dread conflict, it is one of the big areas for development: facing and managing conflict. Maybe it would help you to remember that love is conflict, you have discussions and arguments with your loved ones, but at the end of the day love prevails and you realize that conflict is there because we care. Then stop avoiding conflict and approach it with love, it will create growth in your team.
2. Love is empathy. Another big area when we work with executives in an organization is cultivating the emotional skill of empathy. Our ability to really put ourselves in another person’s shoes, not only intellectually but emotionally. When we care, it is easier to “feel with that person”, understand situations and generate a sense of compassion.
3. Love is a decision. If you want to learn about love, the best book I have ever read on the topic is “The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm. I read it as a teenager and I can tell you that I don’t remember the details, but I can summarize it in, real love is your decision to care for another human being regardless of how he or she cares for you. It is not a transaction, it is not reciprocity, it is your commitment to give, pure altruism. And if there is anything the enlightened masters of all religions and times have in common, it is their full altruism of giving themselves, in all senses, for the benefit of others. Wouldn’t it be nice if leaders would be there for their teams, giving themselves to the development of their people no matter what?

As an expert on Leadership Acceleration, I can tell you this technique is sure to boost your leadership.

To Love!

Todos sabemos que la soledad no es nada agradable. Cuando estamos solos y tenemos esa sensación de no estar conectados, las emociones negativas surgen fácilmente e incluso pueden llevarnos al punto de sentirnos deprimidos o completamente desmotivados. ¿Pero estamos haciendo algo al respecto?

Como seres humanos, es parte de nuestra naturaleza es sentir una necesidad común de conexión. No tiene que ser una conexión profunda de corazón a corazón, ofrecer una sonrisa del uno al otro y reconocer que nos hemos visto al cruzar caminos es suficiente para causar una reacción química de placer y conexión en nuestro cerebro. Alguna vez escuche que una de las razones por las cuales las personas sin hogar pueden volverse locas es porque, por diferentes razones, la mayoría de la gente evita el contacto visual con ellas. Estas personas son intencionalmente ignoradas varias veces durante el día y supongo que cuando cientos de personas te tratan así tu cerebro termina conformándose con la idea de que eres invisible; esta desconexión completa de la realidad es el atajo a la locura.

Hay aspectos de las conexiones que deberían ser importantes para ti, puesto a que han sido identificadas claramente como el sistema de soporte o incluso la aceleración misma de tus objetivos. Cuando te conectas con las personas y compartes no solo tus sueños, sino también tus objetivos específicos para lograr esos sueños y te aseguras de que tus amigos y familia sepan lo que te has propuesto a lograr este año, estas creando un ejército de lo que se llama “socios de responsabilidad”. Algunas de las personas con las que más compartiste te preguntaran de vez en cuando cómo te va o tendrán curiosidad por saber acerca de tu progreso.

Además, al compartir tu destino con tus amigos, también te estas abriendo a recibir ayuda. Es posible que en tu red hay alguien que puede conocer a alguien que ya ha logrado con éxito lo que tú te has propuesto, o alguien que tiene un recurso útil, o inclusive alguien que conoce a alguien que te puede brindar apoyo.

Finalmente, está comprobado que cuando llegues a ese destino y logres tu objetivo, todos los que lo conozcan se unirán contigo para celebrar tu éxito, creando felicidad, orgullo e incluso inspiración. Esto a su vez reabastece tu energía para continuar avanzando hacia la próxima meta u objetivo.

En el mundo digital de hoy, tienes cientos o miles de conexiones, pero realmente no las gestionas de la mejor manera, lo que involucraría:

1. Identificar quien está en tu equipo. Me refiero a quienes son las verdaderas amistades significativas y las personas que realmente se preocuparon por estar conectados contigo y compartir los momentos de vida.
2. Desempolva la conexión. Envía un correo electrónico, has una llamada telefónica o una visita y vuelve a conectarte con las personas que están en tu red, pero con las que no has conectado en años. Ve quien corresponde y se comunica de nuevo mostrando interés.
3. Establece el estar conectado(a) como uno de tus hábitos. Si es necesario, pon recordatorios en tu calendario y asegúrate de no permitir que las relaciones clave vuelvan a caer.

Después de eso, lo mejor que puedes hacer es ser intencional cobre como manejar tus conexiones importantes y hacer estas tres cosas:

1. Crear asociaciones de responsabilidad. Cuando compartas tus metas, solicita expresamente que las personas chequen tu progreso, pídeles de favor que te pregunten periódicamente como te está yendo mientras trabajas hacia tu objetivo.
2. Pide ayuda. Cuando compartas tus metas, ten claro cuál es la herramienta, el libro, la capacitación, el contacto o el impulso que te falta y pregunta si saben cómo conseguirlo o si conocen a alguien que te pueda ayudar.
3. Comparte el avance y los resultados. Asegúrate de avisarle a los que están conscientes de tu objetivo cuando alcances las metas intermedias o el objetivo mismo. Si te ayudaron, se sentirán geniales cuando expreses tu gratitud y al unirse a tu felicidad y celebración beneficiarán a ambas personas.

Si estas en mi red, no dudes en comunicarte, cuéntame sobre tus objetivos y dime como puedo ayudarte.