Author: Guillermo Mendoza

The definition of stress that I found, says that stress is the feeling of being overwhelmed or unable to cope with mental or emotional pressure. And of course, emotional pressure escalates simply when things are not going the way we would like. I also learned from the neuroscience perspective that every time our brain needs to exercise a “defense mechanism” to protect us, our system will go into the flight or fight response. The problem is that today it is not socially acceptable to fly (run away from any threat), or fight (punch any threat in the face). When our body is unable to exercise that flight or fight response then all the adrenaline and chemical cocktails caused by pressure are not released and go into our body as stress creating all sort of physical and emotional problems.  

The best stress reduction technique is dealing with stress at the root of the problem. Because once that mental or emotional pressure escalates, it is going to make it harder to deal with. Coping with stress or stress management is an emotional skill that includes our capacities for flexibility, stress tolerance and optimism. 

Flexibility, our capacity to adapt emotions, thoughts and behaviors to unfamiliar, unpredictable and dynamic circumstances helps. Stress tolerance, our capacity to cope with stressful and difficult situations also helps. And optimism, our level of positive attitude and our capacity to remain hopeful and resilient despite setbacks also helps. I believe we all can cultivate these 3 skills to have better stress management. But let me go back to my idea to deal with the problem at the root, and hopefully this reflection will give you the best stress reduction, prevention technique ever. 

Every time you feel stress starting and growing in your system, think about what the cause of that stress is. I have found that the cause is generally related to the human ability to time travel, essentially our dwelling in the past or in the future.  

When we think about the past and the things that we did not achieve, the results that were not as expected or the experiences that created any kind of pain at that moment, we are triggering stressful emotions that will grow in proportion to how we embrace those thoughts about the past.  

When we think about the future and the things that we are worried about, the things that present a threat to us in any way or that we forecast they will create discomfort or pain, we are triggering stressful emotions that will grow in proportion to how we embrace those thoughts about the future. 

Then every time we “escape” our present, which is a very common thing in humans we are creating the causes for stress. That is why mindfulness has been recommended as one of the key coping mechanisms for stress. Mindfulness is defined as presence and acceptance, and presence is our capacity to stop time travel and stay in the only real thing that we have, which is the present. 

Try it! My personal experience is that when I feel stress being born or escalating it is usually related to my mind not being in the present. The present is the place where you deal with the stress at the root, since you are experiencing a present stressful situation. Let me emphasize this: in the PRESENT (meaning it is happening in real time, and not concerned with the past or future) I have two options. Either I can do something to reduce the negative impact of the situation, or I can’t.  

If I can do something, then I just need to start doing it and that will neutralize the stress because I am correcting the situation and I have the comfort of me putting my best effort forward to handle what is present. 

If I can’t do anything then that is when the second part of the mindfulness definition kicks in: acceptance. I need to accept that present circumstance and remember that everything is changing. A bad thing in this moment will eventually pass. 

So there you are, the best stress prevention technique is to catch yourself time traveling and bring yourself back to the present where things usually are not that bad and where we avoid triggering emotional pressure with things that really don’t exist (either they passed already or they are not here yet). 

I leave you with the powerful questions that will help you in those “stressful moments”: Is it really bad at this very moment? Can I do something about it? What do I need to do to really enjoy a stressless present? 

May you avoid suffering and its causes! 

The year is over! This is a typical expression that we began to hear since November, not to mention also in the last month of the year. The calendar has always been an important way to measure our life cycles; not only is it responsible for reminding us of birthdays and anniversaries, but it also reminds us of multiple holidays, seasons, beginning and end of classes, summer vacation, and so on. Calendars mark the change that is unavoidable and constant in our lives. 

Whether we’ve changed a lot, a little or nothing at all, the year is over, and this always marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, the good and bad have “ended”, and we look forward to this month with the hope that the good things will happen again and that the bad ones do not. We withhold mixed emotions of pleasure, fear, good spirit, and anxiety that are generated at any beginning when we need to retake leadership of our lives. 

I was lucky enough to attend the Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix in 2001, it was my first time in a race like that, and I noticed how most people around me took earplugs out of their pockets or looked to buy a pair from the vendor who walked between the stands, and then carefully place them in their ears. I rushed to ask my fellow neighbors in the seats beside me if the earplugs were necessary; they told me, “No, it is not necessary! It is required!” When the racecars began to circulate around the track, I finally understood my neighbor’s comment; this protection was required if you wanted to keep your ears functioning after listening to those engines. 

Like the earplugs at Formula 1, adaptability to change is not necessary, it is mandatory; change is not optional, it does not sometimes happen, and sometimes not, it is not only for leadership, in fact, the only thing we can guarantee as a constant in our lives is change. The greatest cycles, just like the change to a new year, happen all the time. So why is it so hard to accept? 

As humans, we develop a strong attachment to the things we like or that satisfy us and then we imagine their completely illusory permanence. We pretend that everyone gets older, but we do not; that we are the same, that our tastes, philosophical or religious positions, and many other things remain unchanged. It is an educational legacy that we receive and transmit from generation to generation; to think that we must adopt positions, fix ideas, and have a definite opinion and often immovable to different aspects of life. By ignoring change, leaders lose their flexibility and their leadership. 

We grew thinking that we enjoy what is stable and we suffer when things change. Sadly, the only thing stable in life is change and that “stability” thinking causes us many problems. 

I propose a completely different idea for your leadership, how about falling in love with change? Enjoy every moment in the wonder of changes, like how our body allows us to live and mature, and just as we enjoy the growth of a child or grandchild and see it go through different stages, enjoy any change in our lives including our maturation and aging. 

After all, despite vitamins, supplements, creams, and surgeries, we have no control over the physical changes and we can only try to hide the inevitable, then why worry about it. 

It is much better to feel good because we started to like something or we ceased to like it, get excited at the prospect of changing our mind, with the tremendous freedom and relaxation that we get by not having to care for or defend a position and to just accept that we think differently and not to seek to defend unnecessary rigidity. Leadership is greatly improved with flexibility and adaptability to change. The opposite damages employee engagement. 

A lot of effort and energy are spent daily to defend what we are, what we think, what we do, when the reality is that all of it changes constantly. Do you still see things the same way as you did when you were a teenager? Do you have the same opinion about your parents? Are you still seeing your partner the same way? Did your love for friends stay the same? Are your hobbies the same? Of course not, none of this is permanent, nothing is ever permanent. 

Is change something bad? Is it good? Let’s simply say it’s nothing more than different and whether it is bad or good it is the result of our attitude toward the inevitable change. 

In these times of closure cycles, notable moments of change in which the end of the year and holidays helped us to review and plan new beginnings, change the nostalgia of permanence or stability of things for the joy of constant change, transformation and wonder about the perpetual motion of cells, ideas, feelings, relationships. 

Let’s concentrate our efforts on the transformation, on the inevitable change going in the right direction giving a positive direction to our lives. Make change not just like a disease that attacks us, which we leave quickly, heal, and say, “it’s over”, but a true transformation, that we can see all the inevitable events of our lives as positive. Asking ourselves, how do I take advantage of this change, of this event. What do I learn from it? What new skill, knowledge or relationship do I gain? What do I learn from this difficulty? How does it transform my leadership? 

I leave you with my best wishes to eliminate from your vocabulary the phrase “resistance to change” and embrace leadership adaptability. That despite things not being what they used to, nor be the way you want them to be, may you be happy, and understand the impermanence of all things, understand that the only permanence is change and that things always are as they should be.

As I have worked with executives and new professional coaches, I have found that many times the main blockage for results is perfectionism. In my own work numerous times I have delayed, procrastinated, or abandoned things because they don’t reach the level of “perfection” that I needed. 

The meaning I found in the dictionary for perfectionism is a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. What is interesting is that the definition of perfection says the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. Wow! It surprised me that it said “as free as possible.” Are we not making our best effort and producing work that is as free as possible from flaws and defects? Even in the Merriam-Webster dictionary I found perfection as an unsurpassable degree of accuracy of excellence. And again, it is not our work at each specific moment at an unsurpassable degree in that specific moment? 

You may say I am playing with words and with the concept of time and the present moment that fascinates me. But the fact is that I have found that perfectionism for me has had two faces in my life. On one side I think I provide better quality because of my attention to eliminate flaws, mistakes, or defects. On the other side I have found perfectionism to be my enemy and worst obstacle when it comes to trying new things and embracing failure as the way to success. 

Fail often so you succeed faster is a quote that I read once but that I have found difficult to apply, especially when my inner perfectionist kicks in. And I believe the reason is again that my animal brain is protecting me from ridicule or losing credibility with a failure. The intentional cognitive brain needs to come to the rescue to increase our performance by eliminating this obstacle. 

These are the 3 steps that you can apply to stay on the good side of perfectionism: 

1. Notice your fear. At the end of the day perfectionism is not anything else than our brain protecting us from failure. Notice your fear of failure, notice your fear of affecting your image or losing credibility; and reflect in the fact that your brain is doing its work but that does not mean that you must freeze action because of perfectionism, you are not going to lose points. If anything, you are going to gain them by being recognized as brave, innovative and self-confident. 

1. Confirm your best effort. Stay on the good side of perfectionism by making the best effort, maintaining high quality in your work, and resting assured that you have done the best possible and that it does not have to be perfect to be tried. In fact, you need to test it as soon as possible to find the unseen flaws and yes, continue perfecting it. 

1. Try it. Let me tell you a secret, if you really want perfection your fastest way to it, is trial and error. Once you change fear for courage and you have done your best work, try it. Launch it, show it, test it. That is the fastest way to get feedback, see results and find the points that you need to do it better next time.  

Let’s do it together! I try to apply these steps as much as I can and watch how my way to perfection evolves. Will I get there? I don’t think so, and it doesn’t matter I am courageous, working at my best and trying things, and that is a lot of fun! And as I finish this article, I see again through my office window a hummingbird flying in my garden and I can feel great thinking “Wow! That is perfection!” 

Don’t wait to start your perfection process. 

Con tanto cambio a nuestro alrededor, hemos tenido que buscar y crear herramientas para adaptarnos a nuestras rutinas diarias. Estar guardados en un lugar que se transformó de una cálida casa a oficina, gimnasio, mall online y cine, no ha sido un proceso fácil. Incluso a ratos, nos deja la sensación de no poder aguantar más así. La tecnología nos ha ayudado a continuar trabajando y estar conectados a nuestros seres queridos y amigos, pero los desafíos de este tipo de conexión siguen siendo grandes.

Como Coach Ejecutivo trabajando con líderes para mejorar cosas como el reconocimiento, delegación, asertividad en reuniones, empatía o la capacidad de vincularse, a menudo escucho la frustración que ha generado convivir con “la conexión limitada” entre las personas. Yo creo que la frustración que sentimos hoy puede compararse a la de un niño que no puede salir a jugar por el mal clima o, la de un atleta que no puede salir a su pista o cancha a practicar. ¿Cómo mejoro mi vínculo con las personas si solo puedo verlas a través de video conferencia y solo para trabajar? ¿Cómo cultivo mis amistades o logro conocer más a alguien si no podemos salir a tomarnos algo después del trabajo, almorzar juntos o ir por un café?

Yo sé lo que están pensando ¡Este articulo llega tarde Guillermo! El problema ya casi termina. Pero la realidad es que muchas empresas han anunciado nuevas políticas para que las personas sigan trabajando desde sus casas (es más económico), horarios de trabajo con rotación de pocas personas, por lo que las oficinas continuaran viéndose abandonadas con pocas personas trabajando al mismo tiempo y continuar creando proyectos de equipos geográficamente dispersos.

Créanme que cuando se trata de mejorar tus habilidades emocionales y de liderazgo, no puedes esperar a que las cosas vuelvan a lo normal. Se dice que el nuevo “normal” es…nuevo y diferente. Por tanto, considera estos tips para buscar proactivamente conexión y nutrir las relaciones en estos nuevos tiempos.

1. Conectate sin ningún propósito de negocios. Podemos replicar tanto como queramos la experiencia de juntarnos para un café, ir por un par de cervezas o salir a almorzar juntos invitando en forma remota. Acuerda una hora, establece una actividad (¡como tomarse una copa de vino durante!) y te juntas entre amigos solo por conversar. Esto no es una reunión de trabajo, es “salir” a divertirse y también conocerse más.

2. Experiencias compartidas. He disfrutado ver como 2 de mis hijas crearon y disfrutan su noche para ver la serie de TV “Bachelor”. Acuerdan una hora, una actividad (usualmente es cocinando algo), y una conexión de video conferencia. Cuando llega la hora cada una en su IPAD ve el mismo capitulo de su reality favorito y si deben pausar, ambas paran a la misma vez y retoman a la misma vez juntas a la cuenta de 3. Manejan esta experiencia compartida como si estuvieran viendo el programa estando en la misma casa. De la misma forma podemos invitar a alguien e ir de compras y tener una experiencia compartida inclusive visitar un museo electrónico o un parque mirando las imágenes.

3. Sal de tu estado constante de estar ocupado. Un problema común que he escuchado sobre el trabajo en casa es que las personas están trabajando más y que las líneas entre el trabajo, familia y vida social se fusionaron o desaparecieron cuando se perdió la salida de la oficina y el trasladarse a la casa después del trabajo. Estamos más ocupados que antes. ¿Y a dónde se fue todo ese tiempo que antes se tenía arriba del auto?   Por otro lado, creo que cada cierto tiempo debemos recordar lo que es importante. Y no es ningún secreto que cuando se esta en una crisis, se atraviesa una enfermedad o se pasa por un momento de desesperación, lo más importante que se valora es nuestras relaciones con nuestros seres queridos y amistades. Debemos recordar esto más frecuentemente para crear en forma proactiva estos “espacios” virtuales y replicar las experiencias presenciales que “la distancia” y nuevas formas de trabajar han creado. Por que sí, puedes hacer amigos en el trabajo.

For the last 20 years I have been an avid meditator, skipping a few days here and there but mostly sticking to give myself the gift of 30 minutes of relaxing calm every morning training my brain. When I learned to meditate, I remember in one of the instructions from a guided meditation the phrase: “total attention voluntary, continued and concentrated in the object of your attention that is your breathing”.  

To me those 3 qualities of attention are one of my most important assets when coaching and basically in any life activity where I want to be fully present. I thought reviewing them would be useful and possibly a way to convince you if you haven’t to embrace meditation as one of the most important tools you might have to improve your coaching, your communications, and essentially every aspect of your life. 

Voluntary means that there is a specific intention in our brain, that there is a decision to intentionally pay attention to something. And if you are a good coach or a good leader having conversations with your people, intentionally deciding to pay attention is critical to rapport, connection, and empathy.
 
Continued means that because of training and repetition you get the capacity to keep your attention for a longer period without distractions. It means that you can get the benefits of sustaining longer periods of time observing your thoughts and as soon as the distracting thought is noticed you can come back to the object of your attention. Having this sustaining capacity is another great asset when paying attention to a coaching client or to a collaborator. 

Concentrated means that not only you can sustain your attention longer but that you do it with full focus, avoiding multi-tasking or multi-thinking and being present. Not allowing your mind to time travel to ideas about the past or future but just being there as a concentrated observer of the information that you are getting in the moment. This is another great tool to avoid losing message information or important pieces of information. It will correct the bad habit in your mind of “thinking ahead” either about what the other person is saying or about your answer and in that blink of an eye missing key words and ideas. 

Start simple, as early in the day as you can just sit comfortable for 5 minutes and pay voluntary, continued, and concentrated attention to your breathing and every time you catch yourself paying attention to something different like noises, ideas, sensations; just bring back your attention to your breathing. Your brain will be trained to be a better coach or leader. 

Now more than ever the people smart leader with a high level of emotional skills is needed to work with their people so that they can restore CONNECTION, TRUST and INSPIRE and RETAIN people. 

Some people call it our consciousness, some people call it internal dialogue, I call it the observer. There is a part of our brain, the animal non-cognitive brain that without command or as a reaction to sensorial perceptions starts super–fast processes and in less than a second can create an emotional reaction and a chemical cocktail in our bodies.  This reaction mainly occurs when we feel threatened. Nowadays, the threat tends to be more of an intellectual danger rather than a physical one, such as “what are they going to think about me?”. 

The threat is to our identity ego and its associated knowledge, experience, credibility and status. 

I believe as humans we have this wonderful gift which is our capacity to observe our thoughts, words, emotions, and behaviors. But many of us go through life and through our days just thinking, doing, talking, feeling without any conscious observation about it. Seems that this gift is hard to use, and we don’t think about what we think, or think about what we feel, or think about what we say or how we behave.  

For some people this is introspection, reflection or having a conscience. For me it has worked to think about this entity in my brain, like another me, a wiser me that has the ability to observe for example what I am feeling when I am feeling it. The observer in action is capable of slowing down the process and as if watching a slow-motion scene, catch the triggers, ideas and emotions as they arise. By being able to watch them, we improve our thought process. First that awareness transforms what is being observed and some things may become less intense. Secondly, a stronger cognitive brain kicks in to look at facts and data, makes an analysis and decides the best course of action in a better way. 

I believe this observer has always been there and we cannot get rid of him. However, when it’s working unconsciously and untamed, it’s feeding us trash instead of transformation. It’s that little and annoying voice telling us we are not good at something, we are worthless, or we don’t deserve something. And once we notice that it’s right there, actively feeding us information, we can work on taming it. We can make it look at the right things in the right way to feed us empowerment, gratitude and abundance instead of trash. 

The big obstacle to having stronger and healthy observer that works for us, is that our brain is constantly distracted with things, people, notifications and time travel, either memories from the past or preoccupations about the future. The observer can only be grown and improved to become an ally through full attention, mindfulness. 

If you want your observer to work for you and start telling you the right things, making better observations and transforming your reactions and actions what you need to do is to cultivate your brain’s attention capacity. Being able to observe something in an intentional way, in a focused way and in a continuous way for a longer period of time is what unlocks this potential and that is exactly what you do when you practice meditation.   

Give yourself the gift of a high-performance observer by training your mind to consciously observe. Start with 5 minutes a day of relaxing meditation where you instruct your brain to just watch your breathing, pay attention to nothing but air coming in and out of your body and by gently bringing your focus back to only that each time you’re distracted with anything else. Little by little you will make your observer your ally, working for you and not against you. 

With constant changes around us, we’ve had to embrace our own adaptation skills for our daily routines. Being contained in a place that transformed itself from a cozy home to office, gym, online shopping plaza and movie theater, has not been an easy process and at some times feels like we cannot take it anymore. Technology has helped to stay working and “in touch” with loved ones and friends but the challenges of this type of connection are big.

As an Executive Coach working with leaders to improve things like recognition, delegation, assertiveness in meetings, empathy or engagement I often heard the frustration of connections with people being limited. I think that frustration compares to the one of a kid not being able to go out to play with his friends because of the weather, or the one of athletes not being able to go to the field and practice or play. How do I engage better with people if I only see people through a video conference connection and just for work? How do I cultivate friendships, or get to know someone better if we cannot go to have a couple of beers after work, have lunch together or go to the cafeteria?

I know what you are thinking, Guillermo is so late with this article! The problem is almost over. But the reality is that numerous companies have announced new policies to keep people working from home (it is cheaper), to have rotating schedules so offices will still look abandoned with just a few people working at a given time and to continue creating geographically dispersed teams to work on projects.

Believe me, when it comes to improving your emotional skills and leadership you cannot wait for things to go back to normal, as they say the new normal is…well new and different. Then consider these tips to proactively look for connection and nurturing relationships in these new times.

1. Connect with no business purpose. We can replicate as much as we can the experience of going for a coffee, having a couple of beers at the bar or having lunch together by inviting people to do it remotely. Set a time, set an activity (like wine glass at hand required) and meet with a friend or friends to just chat. This is not a business meeting, it’s “going out” to have some fun and get to know people better.
2. Shared experiences. I have been enjoying how 2 of my daughters create and enjoy their “Bachelor Night”. They set a time, an activity (usually cooking dinner), a video conference connection and then each of them in their IPADs start a chapter of the reality show, every time one of them needs to do something with the cooking, they just pause the show at the same time, and when ready they count 1, 2, 3 and start it again at the same time. They manage this shared experience as if they are watching the show at one home. The same way we can invite a friend to go shopping or window shopping and have a shared online shopping experience or even visit an electronic museum or park through images.
3. Get out of your busyness. A common problem I have heard from working at home is that some people are working more, the lines between work and social or family time got blurred or disappeared when the commuting and leaving the office went away. We are all busier than before, where did all that time spent in a car go? I think from time to time we need to remember what is important, and it is no secret that when in crisis, when in illness or profound despair; the most important is always our relationships with loved ones and friends. We should remember that more often to proactively create the spaces and replicate the experiences that distance, or new ways of working have created, because yes, you can make friends at work.