Category: Blog

The definition of stress that I found, says that stress is the feeling of being overwhelmed or unable to cope with mental or emotional pressure. And of course, emotional pressure escalates simply when things are not going the way we would like. I also learned from the neuroscience perspective that every time our brain needs to exercise a “defense mechanism” to protect us, our system will go into the flight or fight response. The problem is that today it is not socially acceptable to fly (run away from any threat), or fight (punch any threat in the face). When our body is unable to exercise that flight or fight response then all the adrenaline and chemical cocktails caused by pressure are not released and go into our body as stress creating all sort of physical and emotional problems.  

The best stress reduction technique is dealing with stress at the root of the problem. Because once that mental or emotional pressure escalates, it is going to make it harder to deal with. Coping with stress or stress management is an emotional skill that includes our capacities for flexibility, stress tolerance and optimism. 

Flexibility, our capacity to adapt emotions, thoughts and behaviors to unfamiliar, unpredictable and dynamic circumstances helps. Stress tolerance, our capacity to cope with stressful and difficult situations also helps. And optimism, our level of positive attitude and our capacity to remain hopeful and resilient despite setbacks also helps. I believe we all can cultivate these 3 skills to have better stress management. But let me go back to my idea to deal with the problem at the root, and hopefully this reflection will give you the best stress reduction, prevention technique ever. 

Every time you feel stress starting and growing in your system, think about what the cause of that stress is. I have found that the cause is generally related to the human ability to time travel, essentially our dwelling in the past or in the future.  

When we think about the past and the things that we did not achieve, the results that were not as expected or the experiences that created any kind of pain at that moment, we are triggering stressful emotions that will grow in proportion to how we embrace those thoughts about the past.  

When we think about the future and the things that we are worried about, the things that present a threat to us in any way or that we forecast they will create discomfort or pain, we are triggering stressful emotions that will grow in proportion to how we embrace those thoughts about the future. 

Then every time we “escape” our present, which is a very common thing in humans we are creating the causes for stress. That is why mindfulness has been recommended as one of the key coping mechanisms for stress. Mindfulness is defined as presence and acceptance, and presence is our capacity to stop time travel and stay in the only real thing that we have, which is the present. 

Try it! My personal experience is that when I feel stress being born or escalating it is usually related to my mind not being in the present. The present is the place where you deal with the stress at the root, since you are experiencing a present stressful situation. Let me emphasize this: in the PRESENT (meaning it is happening in real time, and not concerned with the past or future) I have two options. Either I can do something to reduce the negative impact of the situation, or I can’t.  

If I can do something, then I just need to start doing it and that will neutralize the stress because I am correcting the situation and I have the comfort of me putting my best effort forward to handle what is present. 

If I can’t do anything then that is when the second part of the mindfulness definition kicks in: acceptance. I need to accept that present circumstance and remember that everything is changing. A bad thing in this moment will eventually pass. 

So there you are, the best stress prevention technique is to catch yourself time traveling and bring yourself back to the present where things usually are not that bad and where we avoid triggering emotional pressure with things that really don’t exist (either they passed already or they are not here yet). 

I leave you with the powerful questions that will help you in those “stressful moments”: Is it really bad at this very moment? Can I do something about it? What do I need to do to really enjoy a stressless present? 

May you avoid suffering and its causes! 

The year is over! This is a typical expression that we began to hear since November, not to mention also in the last month of the year. The calendar has always been an important way to measure our life cycles; not only is it responsible for reminding us of birthdays and anniversaries, but it also reminds us of multiple holidays, seasons, beginning and end of classes, summer vacation, and so on. Calendars mark the change that is unavoidable and constant in our lives. 

Whether we’ve changed a lot, a little or nothing at all, the year is over, and this always marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, the good and bad have “ended”, and we look forward to this month with the hope that the good things will happen again and that the bad ones do not. We withhold mixed emotions of pleasure, fear, good spirit, and anxiety that are generated at any beginning when we need to retake leadership of our lives. 

I was lucky enough to attend the Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix in 2001, it was my first time in a race like that, and I noticed how most people around me took earplugs out of their pockets or looked to buy a pair from the vendor who walked between the stands, and then carefully place them in their ears. I rushed to ask my fellow neighbors in the seats beside me if the earplugs were necessary; they told me, “No, it is not necessary! It is required!” When the racecars began to circulate around the track, I finally understood my neighbor’s comment; this protection was required if you wanted to keep your ears functioning after listening to those engines. 

Like the earplugs at Formula 1, adaptability to change is not necessary, it is mandatory; change is not optional, it does not sometimes happen, and sometimes not, it is not only for leadership, in fact, the only thing we can guarantee as a constant in our lives is change. The greatest cycles, just like the change to a new year, happen all the time. So why is it so hard to accept? 

As humans, we develop a strong attachment to the things we like or that satisfy us and then we imagine their completely illusory permanence. We pretend that everyone gets older, but we do not; that we are the same, that our tastes, philosophical or religious positions, and many other things remain unchanged. It is an educational legacy that we receive and transmit from generation to generation; to think that we must adopt positions, fix ideas, and have a definite opinion and often immovable to different aspects of life. By ignoring change, leaders lose their flexibility and their leadership. 

We grew thinking that we enjoy what is stable and we suffer when things change. Sadly, the only thing stable in life is change and that “stability” thinking causes us many problems. 

I propose a completely different idea for your leadership, how about falling in love with change? Enjoy every moment in the wonder of changes, like how our body allows us to live and mature, and just as we enjoy the growth of a child or grandchild and see it go through different stages, enjoy any change in our lives including our maturation and aging. 

After all, despite vitamins, supplements, creams, and surgeries, we have no control over the physical changes and we can only try to hide the inevitable, then why worry about it. 

It is much better to feel good because we started to like something or we ceased to like it, get excited at the prospect of changing our mind, with the tremendous freedom and relaxation that we get by not having to care for or defend a position and to just accept that we think differently and not to seek to defend unnecessary rigidity. Leadership is greatly improved with flexibility and adaptability to change. The opposite damages employee engagement. 

A lot of effort and energy are spent daily to defend what we are, what we think, what we do, when the reality is that all of it changes constantly. Do you still see things the same way as you did when you were a teenager? Do you have the same opinion about your parents? Are you still seeing your partner the same way? Did your love for friends stay the same? Are your hobbies the same? Of course not, none of this is permanent, nothing is ever permanent. 

Is change something bad? Is it good? Let’s simply say it’s nothing more than different and whether it is bad or good it is the result of our attitude toward the inevitable change. 

In these times of closure cycles, notable moments of change in which the end of the year and holidays helped us to review and plan new beginnings, change the nostalgia of permanence or stability of things for the joy of constant change, transformation and wonder about the perpetual motion of cells, ideas, feelings, relationships. 

Let’s concentrate our efforts on the transformation, on the inevitable change going in the right direction giving a positive direction to our lives. Make change not just like a disease that attacks us, which we leave quickly, heal, and say, “it’s over”, but a true transformation, that we can see all the inevitable events of our lives as positive. Asking ourselves, how do I take advantage of this change, of this event. What do I learn from it? What new skill, knowledge or relationship do I gain? What do I learn from this difficulty? How does it transform my leadership? 

I leave you with my best wishes to eliminate from your vocabulary the phrase “resistance to change” and embrace leadership adaptability. That despite things not being what they used to, nor be the way you want them to be, may you be happy, and understand the impermanence of all things, understand that the only permanence is change and that things always are as they should be.

According to Erikson’s stages of Psychosocial development, it’s not until ages 6-12 that we begin to compare ourselves to our peers and see how we measure up. This is when we begin to see if we’re greater than or less than and it pierces our once impenetrable confidence. When we compare ourselves to others, we tend to diminish our own strengths. All of the sudden if our accomplishments don’t align with those of others, they are not worthy of praise. Our great-at’s turn into okay-at’s and eventually we lose all sense of confidence in our qualifications. As Theodore Roosevelt’s famous quote goes “comparison is the thief of joy” and ultimately it’s in our own hands. Now let me state that I am not naive enough to believe we as a society can just stop comparing ourselves to others completely. You can’t just eliminate something we have been conditioned to do by class ranks, gold medals, and a winner-takes-all mentality. What we can do is try and be more mindful of our comparisons.

Is the person you’re looking up to giving you a healthy inspiration to strive, or are they making you feel inadequate and ashamed? At the end of the day our confidence is in our power. You can choose to love every bit of yourself, embracing your strengths and accepting there are some thing you will not be the best at. You can have confidence in all that you are and know that there is always room to learn more. Don’t compare yourself, simply believe wholeheartedly in yourself and you capabilities. You are an amazing being who has developed throughout your life and accomplished so much, there is no way that could ever be inadequate.

As I have worked with executives and new professional coaches, I have found that many times the main blockage for results is perfectionism. In my own work numerous times I have delayed, procrastinated, or abandoned things because they don’t reach the level of “perfection” that I needed. 

The meaning I found in the dictionary for perfectionism is a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. What is interesting is that the definition of perfection says the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. Wow! It surprised me that it said “as free as possible.” Are we not making our best effort and producing work that is as free as possible from flaws and defects? Even in the Merriam-Webster dictionary I found perfection as an unsurpassable degree of accuracy of excellence. And again, it is not our work at each specific moment at an unsurpassable degree in that specific moment? 

You may say I am playing with words and with the concept of time and the present moment that fascinates me. But the fact is that I have found that perfectionism for me has had two faces in my life. On one side I think I provide better quality because of my attention to eliminate flaws, mistakes, or defects. On the other side I have found perfectionism to be my enemy and worst obstacle when it comes to trying new things and embracing failure as the way to success. 

Fail often so you succeed faster is a quote that I read once but that I have found difficult to apply, especially when my inner perfectionist kicks in. And I believe the reason is again that my animal brain is protecting me from ridicule or losing credibility with a failure. The intentional cognitive brain needs to come to the rescue to increase our performance by eliminating this obstacle. 

These are the 3 steps that you can apply to stay on the good side of perfectionism: 

1. Notice your fear. At the end of the day perfectionism is not anything else than our brain protecting us from failure. Notice your fear of failure, notice your fear of affecting your image or losing credibility; and reflect in the fact that your brain is doing its work but that does not mean that you must freeze action because of perfectionism, you are not going to lose points. If anything, you are going to gain them by being recognized as brave, innovative and self-confident. 

1. Confirm your best effort. Stay on the good side of perfectionism by making the best effort, maintaining high quality in your work, and resting assured that you have done the best possible and that it does not have to be perfect to be tried. In fact, you need to test it as soon as possible to find the unseen flaws and yes, continue perfecting it. 

1. Try it. Let me tell you a secret, if you really want perfection your fastest way to it, is trial and error. Once you change fear for courage and you have done your best work, try it. Launch it, show it, test it. That is the fastest way to get feedback, see results and find the points that you need to do it better next time.  

Let’s do it together! I try to apply these steps as much as I can and watch how my way to perfection evolves. Will I get there? I don’t think so, and it doesn’t matter I am courageous, working at my best and trying things, and that is a lot of fun! And as I finish this article, I see again through my office window a hummingbird flying in my garden and I can feel great thinking “Wow! That is perfection!” 

Don’t wait to start your perfection process. 

Con tanto cambio a nuestro alrededor, hemos tenido que buscar y crear herramientas para adaptarnos a nuestras rutinas diarias. Estar guardados en un lugar que se transformó de una cálida casa a oficina, gimnasio, mall online y cine, no ha sido un proceso fácil. Incluso a ratos, nos deja la sensación de no poder aguantar más así. La tecnología nos ha ayudado a continuar trabajando y estar conectados a nuestros seres queridos y amigos, pero los desafíos de este tipo de conexión siguen siendo grandes.

Como Coach Ejecutivo trabajando con líderes para mejorar cosas como el reconocimiento, delegación, asertividad en reuniones, empatía o la capacidad de vincularse, a menudo escucho la frustración que ha generado convivir con “la conexión limitada” entre las personas. Yo creo que la frustración que sentimos hoy puede compararse a la de un niño que no puede salir a jugar por el mal clima o, la de un atleta que no puede salir a su pista o cancha a practicar. ¿Cómo mejoro mi vínculo con las personas si solo puedo verlas a través de video conferencia y solo para trabajar? ¿Cómo cultivo mis amistades o logro conocer más a alguien si no podemos salir a tomarnos algo después del trabajo, almorzar juntos o ir por un café?

Yo sé lo que están pensando ¡Este articulo llega tarde Guillermo! El problema ya casi termina. Pero la realidad es que muchas empresas han anunciado nuevas políticas para que las personas sigan trabajando desde sus casas (es más económico), horarios de trabajo con rotación de pocas personas, por lo que las oficinas continuaran viéndose abandonadas con pocas personas trabajando al mismo tiempo y continuar creando proyectos de equipos geográficamente dispersos.

Créanme que cuando se trata de mejorar tus habilidades emocionales y de liderazgo, no puedes esperar a que las cosas vuelvan a lo normal. Se dice que el nuevo “normal” es…nuevo y diferente. Por tanto, considera estos tips para buscar proactivamente conexión y nutrir las relaciones en estos nuevos tiempos.

1. Conectate sin ningún propósito de negocios. Podemos replicar tanto como queramos la experiencia de juntarnos para un café, ir por un par de cervezas o salir a almorzar juntos invitando en forma remota. Acuerda una hora, establece una actividad (¡como tomarse una copa de vino durante!) y te juntas entre amigos solo por conversar. Esto no es una reunión de trabajo, es “salir” a divertirse y también conocerse más.

2. Experiencias compartidas. He disfrutado ver como 2 de mis hijas crearon y disfrutan su noche para ver la serie de TV “Bachelor”. Acuerdan una hora, una actividad (usualmente es cocinando algo), y una conexión de video conferencia. Cuando llega la hora cada una en su IPAD ve el mismo capitulo de su reality favorito y si deben pausar, ambas paran a la misma vez y retoman a la misma vez juntas a la cuenta de 3. Manejan esta experiencia compartida como si estuvieran viendo el programa estando en la misma casa. De la misma forma podemos invitar a alguien e ir de compras y tener una experiencia compartida inclusive visitar un museo electrónico o un parque mirando las imágenes.

3. Sal de tu estado constante de estar ocupado. Un problema común que he escuchado sobre el trabajo en casa es que las personas están trabajando más y que las líneas entre el trabajo, familia y vida social se fusionaron o desaparecieron cuando se perdió la salida de la oficina y el trasladarse a la casa después del trabajo. Estamos más ocupados que antes. ¿Y a dónde se fue todo ese tiempo que antes se tenía arriba del auto?   Por otro lado, creo que cada cierto tiempo debemos recordar lo que es importante. Y no es ningún secreto que cuando se esta en una crisis, se atraviesa una enfermedad o se pasa por un momento de desesperación, lo más importante que se valora es nuestras relaciones con nuestros seres queridos y amistades. Debemos recordar esto más frecuentemente para crear en forma proactiva estos “espacios” virtuales y replicar las experiencias presenciales que “la distancia” y nuevas formas de trabajar han creado. Por que sí, puedes hacer amigos en el trabajo.

For the last 20 years I have been an avid meditator, skipping a few days here and there but mostly sticking to give myself the gift of 30 minutes of relaxing calm every morning training my brain. When I learned to meditate, I remember in one of the instructions from a guided meditation the phrase: “total attention voluntary, continued and concentrated in the object of your attention that is your breathing”.  

To me those 3 qualities of attention are one of my most important assets when coaching and basically in any life activity where I want to be fully present. I thought reviewing them would be useful and possibly a way to convince you if you haven’t to embrace meditation as one of the most important tools you might have to improve your coaching, your communications, and essentially every aspect of your life. 

Voluntary means that there is a specific intention in our brain, that there is a decision to intentionally pay attention to something. And if you are a good coach or a good leader having conversations with your people, intentionally deciding to pay attention is critical to rapport, connection, and empathy.
 
Continued means that because of training and repetition you get the capacity to keep your attention for a longer period without distractions. It means that you can get the benefits of sustaining longer periods of time observing your thoughts and as soon as the distracting thought is noticed you can come back to the object of your attention. Having this sustaining capacity is another great asset when paying attention to a coaching client or to a collaborator. 

Concentrated means that not only you can sustain your attention longer but that you do it with full focus, avoiding multi-tasking or multi-thinking and being present. Not allowing your mind to time travel to ideas about the past or future but just being there as a concentrated observer of the information that you are getting in the moment. This is another great tool to avoid losing message information or important pieces of information. It will correct the bad habit in your mind of “thinking ahead” either about what the other person is saying or about your answer and in that blink of an eye missing key words and ideas. 

Start simple, as early in the day as you can just sit comfortable for 5 minutes and pay voluntary, continued, and concentrated attention to your breathing and every time you catch yourself paying attention to something different like noises, ideas, sensations; just bring back your attention to your breathing. Your brain will be trained to be a better coach or leader.