Category: Blog

[:en]“You must hear the very same thing over and over again” my coachee said, as we finished the session.I have to admit, he caught me off guard and caused me to pause.  I think one of the things I have learned in my years of coaching through helping and challenging people in different situations, stages of their lives and parts of the world, is that there are no two people that share the exact same situation, thoughts or ideas.

Every person may choose a commonly used word to describe a situation, a goal or particular challenge; the definition will be the same in the dictionaries, but the way we apply it in our lives and act on it, what it actually means to us, that will be different from one individual to the next.  When I’m teaching about active listening, questions and perspectives in our coaching class and discussing questions and perspectives for our new coaches, I stress and constantly reinforce the importance of asking for definitions all of the time.  We can never assume we know what the other person is thinking or actually means if we do not take the time to ask.  If I were to ask you about your definition of transformation would it be the same as what the person sitting next to you might say?  Transformation to one person maybe an immense change, a 180 degree shift in another direction, while to another it may mean the smallest notable difference.  And what if I were to ask what success looks like for you, would it be the same as your peer, friend or partner?  They can mean so many different things and the way we choose to exhibit them and reach them are even more different.  Our upbringings, cultures, experiences are what define our views, perspectives and ideas of what we want things to look like when we work towards them or achieve them.  Just like you have your definition of what success might look like when you achieve it, I might have another way of seeing success; we must always remain open to listening and asking about other’s ideas and views.  Actively listening may help us refine our ideas, they may show us other possibilities we had not thought of, or they may reinforce what we know to be our way of seeing it. The next time somebody says they want to improve their time management or they want to be successful, surprise them,  change it up a bit, rather than telling them what they need to do and giving advise, pause and ask them what it means?  Give them an opportunity to define it for you, and themselves – you will be surprised at what happens…first I can almost guarantee they will be surprised you even asked and are interested in listening, then they will start to think about it and answer.  Three things will happen:  you will have helped someone put words and descriptions to what they really mean and would like to see; secondly you will learn about other definitions of something you may have thought differently about; finally you will have engaged them in conversation really understanding what they mean and able to respond in a more knowledgable way.  Just ask them, what does that mean to you? or what does it look like?  The answer I gave my client was “I actually don’t hear the same things over and over again, I hear the same words, but every coachee has a different definition of what they want to achieve or change; I listen and help them develop that definition into an actionable plan so they can achieve what they want. I don’t assume that their version of change or development is the same as mine.”  The words we use may be similar but when we actually put it into practice it looks completely different from one person to the next. It’s what makes us unique and human.  Ask away![:]

[:en]It is very unfortunate but mother nature reminds us of our fragility from time to time. In September 2017,  Greater Houston, the 4th largest city in the United Sates with almost 7 million habitants, was devastated with floods. We have been trapped in our homes with many roads closed and we have witnessed through news, text messages, phone calls and social media how less fortunate friends have been evacuated from their flooded homes.

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[:en]They say that the 3 top fears for a human being are public speaking, death and dancing in public, and it seems they are in that order. As I have worked as a Coach and consultant with many people and as a manager of teams, I can confirm that public speaking fear is indeed very threatening for many people.

The reasons behind it might vary from just an introverted personality, insecurities or just the regular fear that we experience when we are trying something we are not proficient at, something new that is uncomfortable and that we may do in a clumsy way.

But there is no doubt that how to present in public is a skill like any other that you can learn, practice and become comfortable doing through theory and practice.

Here are 5 things that will help you start and get ready for your next presentation:

1. Content. In some cases, this is easy if you have a product or service to present or you have knowledge to share, in others you need to do some research, analysis or gather information. In any case the best content for you to present is that where you are an expert and where you have deep knowledge of the subject. Then if you draw from personal knowledge, experience, and life stories that content will be easy to memorize, easy to engage your audience and it will be more powerful. If you draw from something you don’t master, then duplicate your efforts to understand it and master it before presenting.
2. Delivery. You might use a presentation tool or not, you may use some props or not. And this is one of the areas where you can learn more and get some public speaking classes and practice on various topics like voice, body language, presentations, openings, closings, etc. But the key point to remember is if you were the audience, if you were one of the people listening to your presentation what would be the most effective way to present? Create a powerful and useful presentation by being concise with your message, making it entertaining and even fun if possible (everybody likes to laugh) while creating a nice experience aligned to your audience.
3. Intention. Do you want to sell? Do you want to convince? Do you want to share important data? Be clear from the planning stages of your presentation: what is your intention and how will you accomplish it better. Then while presenting make sure that your intention is clearly stated and present your points on why the audience needs to buy, be convinced or be aware of important data. Don’t forget: always to state the benefit they will get.
4. Attitude. I once heard that it is selfish not to be a speaker. Throughout the years we all have accumulated knowledge, experience, life lessons, tips and tricks, and we have also heard about that useful new app for the iPhone. Therefore, don’t hesitate to think that you have something valuable to share. True, it might not be valuable for all of your audience, but be sure that if your content, your message, your lesson helps at least one human being to improve in his business, in her career, in his life; you are giving a great presentation.
5. Confidence. How is your confidence? Super nervous of course, even seasoned speakers get nervous before a presentation but here are some ideas to have the right self-confidence and secure attitude that you need for a successful presentation. First think that the audience is not your enemy they want you to succeed, they don’t want a boring presentation or a bad experience they want you to be successful in providing a great experience. Also, think you are the expert, of course there are other experts in the audience and there might be someone that knows more than you about this topic, but for the majority of your audience, you know more because of the simple fact that you prepared for this. And finally imagine you are explaining this to only one person and not dozens or hundreds.

Even if you don’t intend to become a professional keynote speaker, I recommend embracing this as another skill that you need to learn and to practice. No matter what your profession or industry is I have seen how useful it is for a person, in any field, to be a good presenter and how bad it is to do it carelessly without the right preparation. With some basic ideas, you can improve these 5 points over time and become a great presenter.

Do you want public speaking improvement? Explore our coaching training options like executive coaching for VP and assessments and subscribe to our list to get a useful monthly newsletter, click on the image below:[:]

[:en]Coaching has become a popular formula for leadership development in organizations and it is migrating from a private engagement for top level executives with their coaches to organizations looking to create a full coaching culture in their workplaces. But what does that mean? Having a coaching culture is not telling your managers to coach better or to practice active listening. Coaching is a personal transformation because it allows everyone to develop a better version of themselves with these principles:

 

• Create Consciousness. Deepen your awareness of values, potential, empowering and limiting thoughts, perspectives and habits to understand what you want and need.
• Develop Leadership. Be the owner, own your change and your results. Leadership starts with your capacity to take yourself from A to B.
• Get Results. Change the way you think, talk and execute to achieve your results. And to help others do the same.

These are the 5 elements that you need to consider to create a successful coaching culture with your leaders and take your organization’s leadership to the next level.

1. Starts from the top. No difference from other important key initiative in your organization, it must flow up-down with the CEO and Executive Team embracing coaching as the way to work and develop people. If you don’t have full buy-in from your CEO and active participation from him/her learning techniques, practicing them and mastering them then the team won’t follow. This is a project where your leadership needs to LEAD.
2. Understand what it is. The key problem in the coaching profession is the common misunderstanding on what it is and what it is not. The definition and expectations of what a coach does are different in the minds of your Executive team members, VP’s, Directors and employees. If you want the project to succeed the first step is to establish what coaching is? What it will mean in this organization? What is the impact for employees? What is the impact for customers? What areas of the organization lend to use or implement coaching techniques? Create an assessment to align expectations on what it means to embrace this culture in your organization.
3. Invest in good coaching skills leadership training. There are many programs in the market and as in anything else different levels of quality. Make sure you have a leadership program that is effective in creating coaching skills with your leaders. Ask how the classes are taught, for example our programs always present a new skill, demonstrate it, have participants to practice it and then debrief the experience and reaffirm learning and future practice activities are defined to solidify learning.
4. Pick a program for managers and leaders not for coaches. You don’t want your management team to become professional coaches. In fact, you don’t want to get rid of management which will be still necessary to create results in your company. Coaching does not replace managing. What you want is leaders with great management skills who add to their repertoire coaching skills and learn when to coach and when to manage.
5. Make it a company-wide project. Create in internal marketing campaign, adopt coaching as one of your company values and do all necessary to create awareness at all levels that a new culture is being implemented and what that means for everyone. This includes creating the mechanism to measure implementation and observe if new behaviors are being adopted by managers.

Several observable behaviors will be used by your managers as the coaching culture is adopted and you will see the tools in action through:

• Non-threatening productive conversations learning how to be a better leader.
• People development making your team more resourceful and showing up more with solutions than with problems.
• Improved interpersonal relationships and employee engagement through the exercise of listening, rapport and empathy techniques.
• Effective goal management and priorities. Based on a crystal-clear definition of goals, values, priorities and execution plans that bring results.
• A new way of communicating with new awareness on the language used in conversations and the power of words.
• High performance through the adoption of mindfulness in the organization, the ability to be fully present in projects and conversations and being non-judgmental to increase collaboration.

Need help? our Leadership with the Power of Coaching program is one of the key elements you will need to adopt this culture.[:]

[:en]Being a good communicator is more than being able to speak clearly and effectively. There are three things you learn in coaching that can take your communication skills to the next level

Active listening – A skill that requires you to fully concentrate, understand respond and remember what is being said. Much like art and music, it requires many hours of practice. Active listening can mean the world of difference when you are trying to engage in conversation, collaborate, express an idea, work on your professional development or strategize. A way to begin practicing your active listening is by turning down the volume of your own internal dialogue, those thoughts going on behind the scenes about things you may have forgotten, things you may have done differently, or what the person standing at the door is doing. Your internal dialogue will cause you to miss out on important and relevant information. Did you know that 93% of our communication is non-verbal and only 7% is verbal? If you are missing non-verbal communication and half listening to the verbal, how will you be able to understand and really engage in the conversation. So, next time you notice your own thoughts creeping into the conversation, go into detective mode, really observe the non-verbal clues and hunt for the verbal evidence.

Intuition- Have you ever asked a friend how they are, and they answer “fine” but something in your gut tells you that doesn’t feel right even though they are smiling- that’s intuition. We all have intuition, some of us just don’t realize just how much we have. Your active listening practice will allow you to receive those feelings and know what’s going on. Go with your gut, your intuition is a tool you are born with but you need to be aware of it and practice using it. In coach training it is something we spend quite some time on. Here are some ideas to help you develop your intuition are: guessing the time without looking at your watch and then checking or guessing who is calling next time the phone rings (without looking at the caller id). One of the ways I like practicing is by placing my hand over my heart, taking a deep breath and asking myself what my heart is feeling? and then asking myself if it’s right for me at this moment.

Silence – Another skill we use in coaching is SILENCE. I don’t mean for long periods of time, or actually ignoring someone. If you just pause before responding, that moment right after someone completes a sentence, take a breath count to three, magic happens. Using a moment of silence, just a pause, allows you time to process information; it can allow the other to complete another thought, maybe even solve a problem. It provides space for thought and completion. A pause between sentences can lead to more engagement and conversation. Silence can make people uncomfortable, 9 times out of 10, so if you are trying to gather information or insight from another person, and you pause, remain silent, after they complete their sentence, you will be surprised at how much more information they are willing to share to avoid the silence in the air.

You can start improving your communication skills today, starting with just one new skill can make a difference. These skills take practice and the more you use them the better your communication skills become. If you would like to learn more coaching skills , how to be a coach, or tools for your leadership development contact us for information on our coaching program and our upcoming coaching training and certification programs.

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[:en]Excuse the title but I couldn’t help myself, I thought getting you to smile a little is good for the soul. I know the title I chose could be interpreted many ways. In this particular case I want to share an activity that can be helpful in generating ideas, sharing thoughts, working out problems, looking at different perspectives, even releasing negative energy. I learned this technique from my coach trainer during my coach certification program, and sad to say, he had to remind me to put it into practice again. I seem to have forgotten the power and relief it can provide.

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[:en]There is a fine line between constructive criticism and just flat out disapproval. Being on the receiving end can either be helpful or make you defensive. We are all born with the ability to express ourselves; we all know how to display emotions and we all communicate them, unfortunately we are not all equipped with the same ability of knowing exactly when we should communicate certain thoughts, feelings or suggestions, I call it tact. Some are born with it; and others, well sadly it takes a lifetime.

It comes down to communication, and trying to get our ideas across to others without offending.There is no right or wrong, it takes effort to communicate from both the giver and receiver of the information. It’s similar to a dance; where the movements and rhythm need to sync and flow in the same direction , a minor misstep can throw off the balance and alter the sequence. Being aware, observing, skill and communicating can bring it back to flow. Even if you have two left feet, you can learn and be more aware.

Communication is vital. You have to listen actively. You have to observe. Like a detective looking for clues. Malcolm Gladwell, says it best in his book, Blink, “it takes two seconds to jump to a series of conclusions…those instant conclusions the we reach are really powerful and really important and, occasionally, really good.” In those seconds you can observe and decide the kind of emotion the other is feeling or the intensity of their communication to you. The giver and receiver need to be mindful and observe.

Take a moment to respond. Breath before saying a word. Let the words settle. Now you can ask questions for clarity, you can rephrase what you heard to make sure you understood. If the communication you received is positive, no problem, you’re good to go. But if it happens to be negative, you want to make sure you heard correctly, the message you received is accurate. This clarification will help prevent further anxiety and miscommunications. Words do not have the same meaning to all. So changing some words to rephrase the message is a good choice.

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[:en]Can this be changed? Can I do something about it?

I am a firm believer of goals, plans and actions, I am convinced that if I have not gotten something in life, it is because I have not had the discipline to implement a good plan to get it, I think that is empowering. But I also recognize that sometimes some of our energy gets lost on trying to change something that will not change.

We have so many popular phrases or sayings to help us accept things and be complacent, like: “Everything is as it should be”, or “Things happen for a reason”, or “It is God’s will”. I am not discarding any of these; actually I think all of them are pretty valid and true.

Where I believe we fail is when we do not have a firm position, of either accepting it or fighting it, switching back and forth between I will do something and there is nothing to do will not help your cause. When we face challenges or difficult situations in our life we need to start handling them with a clear and definite assessment, use these two powerful coaching questions: Can this be changed? Can I do something about it?

Instead of asking (and answering those questions) sometimes we start the useless dance between frustration, anxiety and impotence; and worriedness, sadness and low energy action. But the better formula to solve your predicaments is to follow, with firm conviction, these 2 elements: acceptance and action.

Can this be changed? If the answer is no then acceptance is your word: “Everything is as it should be”, or “Things happen for a reason”, or “It is God’s will”, stop fighting the situation and accept that it is what it is. And you are not off the hook, your acceptance action is to start thinking if you want to stay in that unchangeable situation or what things you can do in the future to be able to answer “Yes, it can be changed”, only then will you be able to stop acceptance and move to the next powerful question.

Can I do something about it? If the answer is no, same situation, acceptance is your word and exactly the same process applies, your acceptance action is to start thinking on what are the things that you can change in yourself to be able to do something about it?, only when you can answer “Yes, I can do something about it” you are ready for real action. If it can change and if you can change it, then you now have all of the power, no more acceptance, it is about goal, plan and disciplined execution. The key principles of coaching.

Now this is the tricky part, our present moment, our changing reality is never a standing still moment, think about it, the second you are living your present it becomes the past and your next second arrives from the future with your new present, in a blink of an eye.

Top performers, leaders, achievers, champions, enlightened fulfilled beings are those that manage to split every second of their precious moments in life in 2 parts: the present moment where they accept everything is as it should be, and the present moment where assessing the situation they take action to think, talk or act with whatever is needed to create better futures.

May be the skill to split a second is going to take you some time, but a good beginning is to start splitting your challenges, problems, predicaments in two parts: acceptance and action.

Do you want to learn more? Explore our coaching training options like coaching classes or coaching certification and subscribe to our list to get a useful monthly newsletter, click on the image below:

 

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